"Through all the confusion and excitement, Lilolilo, at the rail, who must say last farewells and quip last jokes to many, looked squarely down at me.On his head he wore my ilima lei, which I had made for him and placed there.And into the canoes, to the favoured ones, they on the yacht began tossing their many leis.I had no expectancy of hope...And yet I hoped, in a small wistful way that I know did not show in my face, which was as proud and merry as any there.But Lilolilo did what I knew he would do, what I had known from the first he would do.Still looking me squarely and honestly in the eyes, he took my beautiful ilima lei from his head and tore it across.I saw his lips shape, but not utter aloud, the single word pau" (finish)."Still looking at me, he broke both parts of the lei in two again and tossed the deliberate fragments, not to me, but down overside into the widening water.Pau.It was finished..."For a long space Bella's vacant gaze rested on the sea horizon.Martha ventured no mere voice expression of the sympathy that moistened her own eyes.
"And I rode on that day, up the old bad trail along the Hamakua coast," Bella resumed, with a voice at first singularly dry and harsh."That first day was not so hard.I was numb.I was too full with the wonder of all I had to forget to know that I had to forget it.I spent the night at Laupahoehoe.Do you know, I had expected a sleepless night.Instead, weary from the saddle, still numb, I slept the night through as if I had been dead.
"But the next day, in driving wind and drenching rain! How it blew and poured! The trail was really impassable.Again and again our horses went down.At fist the cowboy Uncle John had loaned me with the horses protested, then he followed stolidly in the rear, shaking his head, and, I know, muttering over and over that I was pupule.The pack horse was abandoned at Kukuihaele.We almost swam up Mud Lane in a river of mud.At Waimea the cowboy had to exchange for a fresh mount.But Hilo lasted through.From daybreak till midnight I was in the saddle, till Uncle John, at Kilohana, took me off my horse, in his arms, and carried me in, and routed the women from their beds to undress me and lomi me, while he plied me with hot toddies and drugged me to sleep and forgetfulness.I know I must have babbled and raved.Uncle John must have guessed.But never to another, nor even to me, did he ever breathe a whisper.Whatever he guessed he locked away in the taboo room of Naomi.
"I do have fleeting memories of some of that day, all a broken- hearted mad rage against fate--of my hair down and whipped wet and stinging about me in the driving rain; of endless tears of weeping contributed to the general deluge, of passionate outbursts and resentments against a world all twisted and wrong, of beatings of my hands upon my saddle pommel, of asperities to my Kilohana cowboy, of spurs into the ribs of poor magnificent Hilo, with a prayer on my lips, bursting out from my heart, that the spurs would so madden him as to make him rear and fall on me and crush my body for ever out of all beauty for man, or topple me off thetrail and finish me at the foot of the palis" (precipices), "writing pau at the end of my name as final as the unuttered pau on Lilolilo's lips when he tore across my ilima lei and dropped it in the sea....
"Husband George was delayed in Honolulu.When he came back to Nahala I was there waiting for him.And solemnly he embraced me, perfunctorily kissed my lips, gravely examined my tongue, decried my looks and state of health, and sent me to bed with hot stove- lids and a dosage of castor oil.Like entering into the machinery of a clock and becoming one of the cogs or wheels, inevitably and remorselessly turning around and around, so I entered back into the grey life of Nahala.Out of bed was Husband George at half after four every morning, and out of the house and astride his horse at five.There was the eternal porridge, and the horrible cheap coffee, and the fresh beef and jerky.I cooked, and baked, and scrubbed.I ground around the crazy hand sewing machine and made my cheap holokus.Night after night, through the endless centuries of two years more, I sat across the table from him until eight o'clock, mending his cheap socks and shoddy underwear, while he read the years' old borrowed magazines he was too thrifty to subscribe to.And then it was bed-time--kerosene must be economized--and he wound his watch, entered the weather in his diary, and took off his shoes, the right shoe first, and placed them, just so, side by side, at the foot of the bed on his side.
"But there was no more of my drawing to Husband George, as had been the promise ere the Princess Lihue invited me on the progress and Uncle John loaned me the horse.You see, Sister Martha, nothing would have happened had Uncle John refused me the horse.But I had known love, and I had known Lilolilo; and what chance, after that, had Husband George to win from me heart of esteem or affection? And for two years, at Nahala, I was a dead woman who somehow walked and talked, and baked and scrubbed, and mended socks and saved kerosene.The doctors said it was the shoddy underwear that did for him, pursuing as always the high- mountain Nahala waters in the drenching storms of midwinter.
"When he died, I was not sad.I had been sad too long already.Nor was I glad.Gladness had died at Hilo when Lilolilo dropped my ilima leiinto the sea and my feet were never happy again.Lilolilo passed within a month after Husband George.I had never seen him since the parting at Hilo.La, la, suitors a many have I had since; but I was like Uncle John.Mating for me was but once.Uncle John had his Naomi room at Kilohana.I have had my Lilolilo room for fifty years in my heart.You are the first, Sister Martha, whom I have permitted to enter that room..."A machine swung the circle of the drive, and from it, across the lawn, approached the husband of Martha.Erect, slender, grey- haired, of graceful military bearing, Roscoe Scandwell was a member of the "Big Five," which, by the interlocking of interests, determined the destinies of all Hawaii.Himself pure haole, New England born, he kissed Bella first, arms around, full-hearty, in the Hawaiian way.His alert eye told him that there had been a woman talk, and, despite the signs of all generousness of emotion, that all was well and placid in the twilight wisdom that was theirs.
"Elsie and the younglings are coming--just got a wireless from their steamer," he announced, after he had kissed his wife."And they'll be spending several days with us before they go on to Maui.""I was going to put you in the Rose Room, Sister Bella," Martha Scandwell planned aloud."But it will be better for her and the children and the nurses and everything there, so you shall have Queen Emma's Room.""I had it last time, and I prefer it," Bella said.
Roscoe Scandwell, himself well taught of Hawaiian love and love- ways, erect, slender, dignified, between the two nobly proportioned women, an arm around each of their sumptuous waists, proceeded with them toward the house.
WAIKIKI, HAWAII.June 6, 1916
