登陆注册
5232200000010

第10章 CHAPTER IV.(1)

THE FOOD QUESTION. - OBJECTIONS TO PARAFFINE OIL AS AN ATMOSPHERE. - ADVANTAGES OF CHEESE AS A TRAVELLING COMPANION. - A MARRIED WOMAN DESERTS HER HOME. - FURTHER PROVISION FOR GETTING UPSET. - I PACK. – CUSSEDNESS OF TOOTH-BRUSHES. - GEORGE AND HARRIS PACK. - AWFUL BEHAVIOUR OF MONTMORENCY. - WE RETIRE TO REST.

THEN we discussed the food question. George said:

"Begin with breakfast." (George is so practical.) "Now for breakfast we shall want a frying-pan" - (Harris said it was indigestible; but we merely urged him not to be an ass, and George went on) - "a tea-pot and a kettle, and a methylated spirit stove."

"No oil," said George, with a significant look; and Harris and I agreed.

We had taken up an oil-stove once, but "never again." It had been like living in an oil-shop that week. It oozed. I never saw such a thing as paraffine oil is to ooze. We kept it in the nose of the boat, and, from there, it oozed down to the rudder, impregnating the whole boat and everything in it on its way, and it oozed over the river, and saturated the scenery and spoilt the atmosphere. Sometimes a westerly oily wind blew, and at other times an easterly oily wind, and sometimes it blew a northerly oily wind, and maybe a southerly oily wind; but whether it came from the Arctic snows, or was raised in the waste of the desert sands, it came alike to us laden with the fragrance of paraffine oil.

And that oil oozed up and ruined the sunset; and as for the moonbeams, they positively reeked of paraffine.

We tried to get away from it at Marlow. We left the boat by the bridge, and took a walk through the town to escape it, but it followed us. The whole town was full of oil. We passed through the church-yard, and it seemed as if the people had been buried in oil. The High Street stunk of oil; we wondered how people could live in it. And we walked miles upon miles out Birmingham way; but it was no use, the country was steeped in oil.

At the end of that trip we met together at midnight in a lonely field, under a blasted oak, and took an awful oath (we had been swearing for a whole week about the thing in an ordinary, middle-class way, but this was a swell affair) - an awful oath never to take paraffine oil with us in a boat again-except, of course, in case of sickness.

Therefore, in the present instance, we confined ourselves to methylated spirit. Even that is bad enough. You get methylated pie and methylated cake. But methylated spirit is more wholesome when taken into the system in large quantities than paraffine oil.

For other breakfast things, George suggested eggs and bacon, which were easy to cook, cold meat, tea, bread and butter, and jam. For lunch, he said, we could have biscuits, cold meat, bread and butter, and jam - but NO CHEESE. Cheese, like oil, makes too much of itself. It wants the whole boat to itself. It goes through the hamper, and gives a cheesy flavour to everything else there. You can't tell whether you are eating apple-pie or German sausage, or strawberries and cream. It all seems cheese. There is too much odour about cheese.

I remember a friend of mine, buying a couple of cheeses at Liverpool.

Splendid cheeses they were, ripe and mellow, and with a two hundred horse-power scent about them that might have been warranted to carry three miles, and knock a man over at two hundred yards. I was in Liverpool at the time, and my friend said that if I didn't mind he would get me to take them back with me to London, as he should not be coming up for a day or two himself, and he did not think the cheeses ought to be kept much longer.

"Oh, with pleasure, dear boy," I replied, "with pleasure."

I called for the cheeses, and took them away in a cab. It was a ramshackle affair, dragged along by a knock-kneed, broken-winded somnambulist, which his owner, in a moment of enthusiasm, during conversation, referred to as a horse. I put the cheeses on the top, and we started off at a shamble that would have done credit to the swiftest steam-roller ever built, and all went merry as a funeral bell, until we turned the corner. There, the wind carried a whiff from the cheeses full on to our steed. It woke him up, and, with a snort of terror, he dashed off at three miles an hour. The wind still blew in his direction, and before we reached the end of the street he was laying himself out at the rate of nearly four miles an hour, leaving the cripples and stout old ladies simply nowhere.

It took two porters as well as the driver to hold him in at the station; and I do not think they would have done it, even then, had not one of the men had the presence of mind to put a handkerchief over his nose, and to light a bit of brown paper.

I took my ticket, and marched proudly up the platform, with my cheeses, the people falling back respectfully on either side. The train was crowded, and I had to get into a carriage where there were already seven other people. One crusty old gentleman objected, but I got in, notwithstanding; and, putting my cheeses upon the rack, squeezed down with a pleasant smile, and said it was a warm day.

A few moments passed, and then the old gentleman began to fidget.

"Very close in here," he said.

"Quite oppressive," said the man next him.

And then they both began sniffing, and, at the third sniff, they caught it right on the chest, and rose up without another word and went out.

And then a stout lady got up, and said it was disgraceful that a respectable married woman should be harried about in this way, and gathered up a bag and eight parcels and went. The remaining four passengers sat on for a while, until a solemn-looking man in the corner, who, from his dress and general appearance, seemed to belong to the undertaker class, said it put him in mind of dead baby; and the other three passengers tried to get out of the door at the same time, and hurt themselves.

同类推荐
  • 华严经要解

    华严经要解

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 浔阳春三首 春去

    浔阳春三首 春去

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 因明正理门论

    因明正理门论

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 尊隐

    尊隐

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 宝藏天女陀罗尼法

    宝藏天女陀罗尼法

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 列仙传

    列仙传

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 销售心理学大全集

    销售心理学大全集

    《销售心理学大全集》内容简介:作为销售人士,面子不能随便要,销售都是从被拒绝开始;话不能随便说,聊天就是为了把东西卖掉;卖了东西不等于完活,销售力的提升在于售后人脉的维护……这一切,都需要销售人士解读客户心理,了解人性的特点,精通心理策略。《销售心理学大全集》通过对各个销售行业的经典案例的解析,来为读者呈现销售中的心理学策略,如“如何让客户悦纳自己”“如何解决争端”“如何读懂客户心理”“如何维护长期客户”等。《销售心理学大全集》用浅显易懂的语言将晦涩难懂的心理学应用到销售过程中,让读者更容易学习和掌握其中的方法和策略。
  • 最经典的世界名言

    最经典的世界名言

    名人名言既可以成为攀登者的动力,也可以成为夜航者的灯塔,还可以成为人们治学报国、事业成功的向导。青少年朋友不妨多读读,《最经典的世界名言》(编者盛文林)分为名人论人生与幸福;名人论信仰与真理;名人论朋友与友谊等内容。
  • 都市超级雷神

    都市超级雷神

    他意外遭受到诡异的雷击,雷电淬体,从此以后,他犹如:雷神下凡,纵横都市。勤奋好学,打拼创业,一步步走上人生巅峰。
  • 杨力谈做好月子不留病

    杨力谈做好月子不留病

    本书是著名中医养生专家杨力为新手妈妈们精心编写的坐月子指南,旨在帮助新手妈妈们科学坐月子,拔除老病根,养出好体质,健康一辈子。书中解答了月子期新手妈妈们最关心的问题,例如,如何在月子期间调理好身体;如何解奶水不足、涨奶问题;如何喂养和护理新生儿等。另外,本书还对顺产和剖宫产妈妈不同的护理方式、哺乳和非哺乳妈妈的不同饮食方案以及新生儿的母乳喂养、人工喂养和混合喂养的不同方案有详细阐释和指导,是一本操作性极强的坐月子指导书。
  • 重生之盛宠公主

    重生之盛宠公主

    天下两分,大周国和凤羯国,两国敌对,实力均等。大周国皇帝年老,凤羯国犯边,周国皇帝派靖南王凌天领兵御敌,靖南王不敌,大败,临阵脱逃,带着家眷逃往京师,正临靖南王妃怀孕十月,路上产女,不巧路遇追兵。为了躲避追兵,焦急之下抱走了一同产女的边境勇武将军夫人的之女。此后两女分开,两女错入她府,开始了一段新的传奇之旅。
  • 北京户口

    北京户口

    北京“成长杯”中学生外语大赛颁奖会在一阵欢快的音乐声中闭幕。一等奖获得者刘京生还没离开座位,就被几个记者围住了。好在她这几年多次在市、区一些比赛中获奖,也当然多次遇到过记者围人这样的场面,虽然不能像一些明星大腕在记者面前那样从容自若,应对如流,但也不慌张,不结巴。一位和她比较熟悉的记者说她不仅知识水平提高了,就连应变能力也增强了。刘京生的妈妈大胖手捧鲜花,早已等候在门口。刘京生一出门,她就兴高采烈地迎上前,搂着女儿亲了一口。与大胖同来的还有刘京生熟悉的孙姨、陈开阳大姐、她的好朋友陈北阳。
  • 老公要扶正

    老公要扶正

    海城是南方一座海滨城市,经济尤其发达,作为全国最高学府之一的海城大学自然的是深受高官显贵子弟的厚爱。每年开学那停在校门口的各种名车里就可以看出这学校有多受人欢迎。当下课的铃声一响,如潮水的学生从教室里蜂涌而出,宁静的校园倾刻间人声鼎沸,热闹非凡。林静好从教室里出来就把手里的几封情书撕碎丢进了垃圾桶里。每一次上这样的公共课时,别的系的男生就会用这样老土的方法追她。……
  • 最强冥界杀神

    最强冥界杀神

    一代冥王穿越异界!执掌正邪司盘,肆虐收小弟!你强?好得很!看我扭转你善恶是非观!我便是你的神!你正道君子?光明磊落?好!从此做我冥王手下收割灵魂的死神如何看邪魅冥王如何征服神堕大陆!众神负我!我便要众神堕落!美色万千,我等你回来!――弑神殿冥狱
  • 倾颜皇妃

    倾颜皇妃

    独倚栏,遥相望,飞雪连天归路茫,白了天地尽苍茫。望夜轻霜,惆怅几许,谁人还念旧时颜,却把水中残月当镜花。曼舞手中笔,轻抚怀中琴,清水独自望天涯。她是清水——他是天涯——她是众人眼里的危险人物,他知道,她是最受不起伤害的人。