How little did the Great Frederic know my heart. Without having offended, he had rendered me miserable, had condemned me to imprisonment at Glatz on mere suspicion, and on my flying thence, naked and destitute, had confiscated my paternal inheritance. Not contented with inflicting all these calamities, he would not suffer me peaceably to seek my fortune in a foreign land.
Few are the youths who, in so short a time, being expelled their native country with disgrace, by their own efforts, merits, and talents, have obtained honour and favour so great, acquired such powerful friends, or been entrusted with confidence equally unlimited in transactions so important. Enraged as I was at the treachery of Goltz, had opportunity offered, I might have been tempted even to turn my native country into a desert; nor do I deny that I afterwards promoted the views of the Austrian envoy, who knew well how to cherish the flame that had been kindled, and turn it to his own use. Till this moment I never felt the least enmity either to my country or king, nor did I suffer myself, on any occasion, to be made the agent of their disadvantage.
No sooner was I entrusted more intimately with cabinet secrets, than I discovered the state of factions, and that Bestuchef and Apraxin were even then in Prussian pay; that a counterpoise, by their means, might be formed to the prevalence of the Austrian party.
Hence we may date the change of Russian politics in the year 1762.
Here also we may find a clue to the contradictory orders, artifices, positions, retreats and disappointments of the Russian army, in the seven years' war, beginning in 1756. The countess, who was obliged to act with greater caution, foresaw the consequence of the various intrigues in which her husband was engaged: her love for me naturally drew her from her former party; she confided every secret to me, and ever remained till her fall, which happened in 1758, during my imprisonment, my best friend and correspondent. Hence was I so well informed of all the plans against Prussia, to the years 1754 and 1756; much more so than many ministers of the interested courts, who imagined they alone were in the secret. How many after events could I then have foretold! Such was the perverseness of my destiny, that where I should most have been sought for, and best known, there was I least valued.
No man, in my youth, would have believed I should live to my sixtieth year, untitled and obscure. In Berlin, Petersburg, London, and Paris, have I been esteemed by the greatest statesmen, and now am I reduced to the invalid list. How strange are the caprices of fortune! I ought never to have left Russia: this was my great error, which I still live to repent.
I have never been accustomed to sleep more than four or five hours, so that through life I have allowed time for paying visits and receiving company. I have still had sufficient for study and improvement. Hyndford was my instructor in politics; Boerhaave, then physician to the court, my bosom friend, my tutor in physic and literary subjects. Women formed me for court intrigues, though these, as a philosopher, I despised.
The chancellor had greatly changed his carriage towards me since the incident of the plan. He observed my looks, showed he was distrustful, and desirous of revenge. His lady, as well as myself, remarked this, and new measures became necessary. I was obliged to act an artful, but, at the same time, a very dangerous part.
My cousin, Baron Trenck, died in the Spielberg, October 4, 1749, and left me his heir, on condition I should only serve the house of Austria. In March, 1750, Count Bernes received the citation sent me to enter on this inheritance. I would hear nothing of Vienna; the abominable treatment of my cousin terrified me. I well knew the origin of his prosecution, the services he had rendered his country, and had been an eye-witness of the injustice by which he was repaid.
Bernes represented to me that the property left me was worth much above a million: that the empress would support me in pursuit of justice, and that I had no personal enemy at Vienna, that a million of certain property in Hungary was much superior to the highest expectations in Russia, where I myself had beheld so many changes of fortune, and the effects of family cabals. Russia he painted as dangerous, Vienna as secure, and promised me himself effectual assistance, as his embassy would end within the year. Were I once rich, I might reside in what country I pleased; nor could the persecutions of Frederic anywhere pursue me so ineffectually as in Austria. Snares would be laid for me everywhere else, as I had experienced in Russia. "What," said he, "would have been the consequence, had not the countess warned you of the impending danger? You, like many other honest and innocent men, would have been sent to Siberia. Your innocence must have remained untested, and yourself, in the universal opinion, a villain and a traitor."Hyndford spoke to me in the same tone, assured me of his eternal protection, and described London as a certain asylum, should I not find happiness at Vienna. He spoke of slavery as a Briton ought to speak, reminded me of the fate of Munich and Osterman, painted the court such as I knew it to be, and asked me what were my expectations, even were I fortunate enough to become general or minister in such a country.
